Featured player Smith involved in trade

While Bobby Abreu was the big name involved in Sunday's trade deadline deals, the player who caught my attention was Matt Smith. I sat down with Smith in Birmingham in 2004 and he told me a story which was included in my book The Funniest Thing I've Ever Seen: More than 100 crazy stories from minor league baseball.

Smith is on his way from the Yankees to the Phillies. MinorLeagueDugout.com wishes him the best of luck. Enjoy Smith's contribution to my book.

Mom Always Said, “Don’t Play Rough In The Shower”

Matt Smith is an example that not all baseball players are illiterate jocks. The Birmingham Barons pitcher left Southwest Missouri State in 1999 without a degree when he became the New York Mets 18th-round draft choice.

He’s already gone back and earned his business degree, which he may put to use in a baseball front office when he retires. Smith hopes that day is a long way away.
Smith has just finished stretching for the evening’s game against Jacksonville. As a short reliever he doesn’t have to worry about mentally preparing for the game for another four or five hours, giving Smith plenty of time to think about his other hobbies: golf, weightlifting and reading.

“Lots of guys read,” Smith said. “You’d be surprised how many guys sit down on a bus ride and pull out a book. You get tired of watching the same old videos over and over.”

Though Smith does not come across as religious, he is enthralled by books about the Bible – including Dan Brown’s “The Da Vinci Code.” A product of Marquette Catholic High School in Alton, Illinois, Smith has traveled to Rome and visited Vatican City. He says books like “The Da Vinci Code” that deal with Bible codes bring another interesting perspective to religion.

Smith got a little clubhouse perspective in 2002. His call up to Double-A was a blessing until a couple of shower incidents had Smith searching for divine intervention.

Matt Smith: I came up to Birmingham from Winston-Salem and this guy named Jake Meyer was in the bullpen. We’re in West Tennessee the first night and we got rained out. We were all getting in the shower. I’m taking my shower and Meyer dumps a bucket of ice water on me and says, “Welcome to the bullpen.”

The next day another pitcher, Brian West, who played football at LSU, came up to me and said, “You’re not going to let him get away with that, are you?”
I said, “All right, we’ll get him back.”

He said, “Jake usually takes a shower at 5:00 (p.m.) before the game. Get a bucket of ice water and throw it on him in the shower. Once you do it, just run back to your locker and act like you don’t know what’s going on.”

I go around into the shower, nail him with the water and sprint back to my locker. There was this wooden shampoo [holder] in the middle of the shower. As soon as I threw it, I heard this big crash in the shower. I was like, “What was that?”
Everybody starts looking in the shower and starts yelling for the trainer, Joe Geck. They’re like, “Joe come out here to the shower.”

I’m sitting at my locker wondering what the hell’s the matter.

Two guys are carrying [Meyer] out of the shower. He has blood pouring down and he’s soaking wet. He has blood coming down from his hair. He has real dark hair and it looks like he has this real big gash in his head.

They went to the manager and said, “We have to get him to the hospital. We have to get him stitched up.” I thought he was going to kill me.

Wally Backman, our manager, comes out. “What the hell is going on?” he starts [yelling]. “You guys have been messing around all year. I knew something would happen. Who did it?”

Everybody points at me.

I said, “Wally, I didn’t mean to do anything.”

He starts chewing my ass – getting in my face about doing stupid stuff. I was like,
“God, I’m going [to be sent] home.”

Jake starts getting up and he’s looking at me like he’s going to come at me. The guys are holding him back.

Wally says, “Let him go. He’s got to do what he’s got to do.”

So he comes at me. Then he puts his hand out and puts a tube of fake blood in my hand.

Everybody just lost it. They have pictures. I was so happy. I was so in shock I didn’t know what was going on. I was just so relieved. I didn’t care about the whole [payback] thing. It was the most elaborate, choreographed prank I’ve ever heard of.

"C" is for Cool Promotion

Charleston's "Let Them Eat Cookies" promotion was a success, and we have the pictures to prove it.

The RiverDogs held the promotion to protest Sesame Street's decision to cut back on Cookie Monste's cookie intake. The show figured Cookie was setting a bad example for today's overeating kids.

Charleston thought Cookie should be allowed to do what he does best – eat cookies. After all, the "C" doesn’t stand for Celery Monster.

The picketing (photo) was well received, and the fans went wild for the cookie eating contest. But putting kids in those inflatable sumo wrestling costumes and having them chase a cookie around the field was pure genius.

MinorLeagueDugout.com is glad teams like Charleston are out there to poke fun at the politically correct.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Mrs. Fields.

Saints honor Gaedel with walk-a-thon

You may remember that MinorLeagueDugout.com chose St. Paul's Tribute to Ed Gaedel as Saturday's Promotion of the Day. Now we have the pictures.

The Saints, one of the teams owned by a partnership headed by Mike Veeck, honored one of the craziest stunts played by Mike's father, former Chicago White Sox owner Bill Veeck.

Veeck signed midget Ed Gaedel and used him as a pinch hitter. Predictably, Gaedel walked on four pitches. The next day, in the best interest of baseball, the commissioner banned midgets.

St. Paul decided to see how a team of midgets and dwarfs would fair in today's game. Saints television announcer, former Boston Red Sox pitcher Dana Kiecker, took the mound with the Saints regulars behind him and attempted to pitch to the miniature batsmen. The Saints cut the promotion, well, short, after Kiecker walked all nine men he faced.

Kiecker then served up some batting practice fast balls, which a few of the Gaedel stand-ins hit. What did this prove? Nothing, really. But wouldn't major league baseball be a little more interesting if there were more midgets playing? Come on Bud, do it for the little people.

By the way, the Saints also retired Gaedel's number, 1/8, noting that no Saints player will ever wear that number again. Nice touch.

Twin Cycle: West Michigan's Michael Hernandez pulled off a rare feat last night. For the second time this season Hernandez hit for the cycle. It was the third time a Whitecaps player hit for the cycle this season. Mike Holliman also notched a single, double, triple and home run on July 9.

Saints honor Gaedel with walk-a-thon

You may remember that MinorLeagueDugout.com chose St. Paul's Tribute to Ed Gaedel as Saturday's Promotion of the Day. Now we have the pictures.

The Saints, one of the teams owned by a partnership headed by Mike Veeck, honored one of the craziest stunts played by Mike's father, former Chicago White Sox owner Bill Veeck.

Veeck signed midget Ed Gaedel and used him as a pinch hitter. Predictably, Gaedel walked on four pitches. The next day, in the best interest of baseball, the commissioner banned midgets.

St. Paul decided to see how a team of midgets and dwarfs would fair in today's game. Saints television announcer, former Boston Red Sox pitcher Dana Kiecker, took the mound with the Saints regulars behind him and attempted to pitch to the miniature batsmen. The Saints cut the promotion, well, short, after Kiecker walked all nine men he faced.

Kiecker then served up some batting practice fast balls, which a few of the Gaedel stand-ins hit. What did this prove? Nothing, really. But wouldn't major league baseball be a little more interesting if there were more midgets playing? Come on Bud, do it for the little people.

By the way, the Saints also retired Gaedel's number, 1/8, noting that no Saints player will ever wear that number again. Nice touch.

Twin Cycle: West Michigan's Michael Hernandez pulled off a rare feat last night. For the second time this season Hernandez hit for the cycle. It was the third time a Whitecaps player hit for the cycle this season. Mike Holliman also notched a single, double, triple and home run on July 9.

Cuban defector Marti is St. Louis Cardinals mystery man

The story of Cuban defector Amaury Marti became one of the most difficult and rewarding articles I've ever written.

I'm always interested to talk with people like Marti who are willing to risk everything to come to America. When I walked into Palm Beach's clubhouse four hours before the Cardinals Florida State League game, a smiling Marti eagerly put down his lunch to give his first interview as a professional baseball player.

The St. Louis Cardinals’ prospect glowed when talking about baseball, but didn’t realize just how interested I was in his escape from Cuba. At first he gave only cursory details about his time in Cuba and his escape.

When it came to talking about the harrowing 21-hour boat trip out of Cuba, a visibly upset Marti couldn't talk anymore. Through translator and teammate Jaime Garcia, I asked Marti if he wanted to take a short break. He said he might be ready to talk about the ordeal in a month or so.

We moved on to other subjects, but I quickly realized Marti was too shaken by the memories of the escape to concentrate on any of my questions.

I left the Cardinals clubhouse feeling as bad as I've ever felt after an interview. My intention was to celebrate Marti's trip to freedom. I should have, but didn't expect the tale to be so painful for Marti to tell.

After spending parts of the next three days in the Cardinals clubhouse, Marti and I eventually talked baseball. I never mentioned the defection again, and he didn't bring it up. Some day I hope to sit down again with him and hear the rest of story.

Many other characters emerged in this tale. Shreveport's Bob Flori is probably still angry he didn't get more money from the sale of Marti's contract. Former Elmira manager Greg Keagle spent the spring of 2006 as SUNY-Albany's pitching coach, but left in the summer to join the automobile industry. Marti's agent, Michelle Deaguirre, has been chased out of hotels by Cuban baseball security guards.

St. Louis Cardinals prospect Jaime Garcia also showed poise uncommon in a 19-year-old. Garcia volunteered to act as translator and didn't mind the role even on the day he was scheduled to pitch. A few weeks later, Garcia was in Pittsburgh as a Cardinals representative in the Futures Game. If Garcia keeps that demeanor on the mound, and in the starts I've seen he has, Garcia has a bright future ahead.

Canseco is nuts, but entertaining

It's the good news and the bad news. Jose Canseco continues to talk.

The Juiced One reportedly named some more steroid users to George Mitchell's committee investigating steroid use in baseball. But that was only the start. Canseco also reportedly offered to help the investigation, acting out his own little version of good cop/bad cop.

That Canseco truly cares about cleaning up the game is laughable. He wants to gain publicity, soak in the limelight, and wring as much money out of a broken baseball career as possible.

That is sad. And entertaining. I've said it before, I'm willing to milk Canseco's antics for all they are worth. Which is why I almost fell off my chair with glee when The Master Injector announced plans to make a movie about baseball's steroid scandal. It got better. Canseco announced that if former slugger and positive steroid tester Rafael Palmeiro wanted to talk about his experiences, Canseco would bring him into the movie as a consultant.

Amazingly, Canseco still has time to play baseball. The Sultan of the Syringe is hitting .313 with a home run and four RBIs in five games with the Long Beach Armada. From the Golden Baseball League to the silver screen, Canseco is one colorful character.

A familiar name: Last night the Milwaukee Brewers called up Anthony Gwynn, son of former San Diego Padre Tony Gwynn. The younger Gwynn was hitting .305 with 55 runs scored and 35 RBIs for the Triple-A Nashville Sounds. If the son is anything like the like the father, it will be MinorLeagueDugout.com's pleasure to follow his major league career.

Tourists auction thrown base

Asheville made the best out of manager Joe Mikulik's massive tirade. Last month MnorLeagueDugout.com profiled the minor league manager's magnificent meltdown. His zany antics, including a dive a base toss and a homemade mud pie, gained worldwide attention when they were featured on SportsCenter.

The Tourists asked Lexington for the base Mikulik threw during his meltdown so they could auction it off for charity. Philadelphia resident Tom McGowan's $1,700 big was the highest, but McGowan didn't want the base. He told the tourists to keep the money, but give the base to the next highest bidder.

Turn's out the second place bidder, Craig Boyce, didn't have a place to put the base. He decided to pass it on to the third place bidder, a local tavern called Hannah Flanagan's Irish Pub, where it will be displayed for the town to visit.

McGowan, who had recently visited Asheville and fell in love with the team, added a significant donation, bringing the auction's gross to $5,000.

The Tourists hope the auction brings some closure for Mikulik, who was suspended seven games for his outburst, but they realize his meltdown will live on in minor league baseball lore.

"We've joked about it, but he's kind of over all the attention," Asheville assistant general manager Chris Smith said. "It's tough on him. He'd like to put it behind him. We realize it's going to stay with him until he wins an ESPY next year."

Altoona is great at being awful

MinorLeagueDugout.com considers Altoona's Awful Night promotion to be one of the top five recurring promotions in minor league baseball. The Curve held their fourth incarnation of the Awful Night – deemed Beating A Dead Horse – on Thursday night.

Altoona gave away some marginally useful items (the bottle of glue was a nod to the dead horse theme) and some things both useless and horrific. When general manager Todd Parnell was told he needed his gallbladder removed, was his first thought concern for his health or that the used organ would make a great door prize?

Overweight male staffers dressed in skimpy cheerleader outfits, David Hasselhoff songs blared from the PA, and liver and onions was the food special. You've got to be pretty good to be this bad.

Just ask Reading. A former Reading staffer told me yesterday they tried to copy Altoona, but their Awful Night was truly, well, awful. The highlight came when the Reading mascots switched heads, scaring the bejesus out of children and sending many of them home in tears.

Congrats to Altoona. We can't wait for the fifth edition.

Of All-Stars and Men: How about ESPN putting the WNBA All-Star game up against the Triple-A All-Star game on ESPN2. Remove political correctness from the equation and ask yourself this question: How can ESPN continue to give priority to a dying league (overall attendance has declined every year since 1999 and TV ratings continue to head south) and not cover minor league baseball?

Triple-A and Double-A baseball players are step away from the bigs. The WNBA doesn't approach the quality of the NBA's Development League. Yet the WNBA gets their highlights on SportsCenter, serving as a Pavlovian signal for any viewer with a conscience to go grab a beer.

The end of the WNBA All-Star game where the teams let players take turns trying (and failing) to dunk set the league back fifty years. ESPN, stop wasting our time with this worn out novelty act and give us the top plays, promotions and antics from minor league baseball.

Atlantic League settles it on the field

The Atlantic League got it right.

The league used MondayÂ’s scheduled off day as a mini-playoff. Long Island hosted Atlantic City with the North DivisionÂ’s first half title on the line. A Long Island win brought the title to Central Islip. A Ducks loss gave the crown to Bridgeport.

Fervent readers will recall the dilemma that faced the Florida State League a couple of weeks ago. FSL teams are not required to make up missed games, which set up a situation where Brevard County almost won the East Division despite having fewer wins than Palm Beach.

Faced with the same situation, the Atlantic League said, Play Ball! Long Island scored first, but trailed 3-2 after five innings. The Ducks bats came alive late, giving them 9-4 victory and the title.

MinorLeagueDugout.com congratulates the Ducks on their title and commends the Atlantic League for settling it on the field.

Futures Game too short

Why is the Futures Game seven innings?

Since its inception, the minor league all-star game has been truncated. That doesn't mean it can't change.

Unlike regular season games, this exhibition is designed to showcase as many young talents as possible. It's counterintuitive to shorten the game. If anything, the game should be lengthened. Two seven-inning doubleheader? That I can understand.

What makes this worse is that the lone representative from the Florida State League, World pitcher Jaime Garcia, didn't get into the game. The poise shown by the 19-year-old Palm Beach Cardinal on the field and inside the clubhouse belies his age. It would have been interesting to see how he fared against Triple-A hitters.

St. Lucie manager Gary Carter was the most visible FSL face at the ballpark. The Hall-of-Famer managed the U.S. to an 8-5 victory. Carter also ended the game with reserves on his bench.

Two more innings – six more outs per side – would have made the Futures Game a regulation ball game. MinorLeagueDugout.com wants to know: Is that too much to ask?

Here's the windup and the hitch

There will be a wedding following Saturday's Brooklyn Cyclones game. The MinorLeagueDugout.com staff isn't sure whether this is one of the best promotions or one of the most ridiculous.

Neither Dave Kerpen or bride-to-be Caroline Fisher have any real affiliation with the Cyclones. To pay for their wedding, they got sponsors. A local bank, for example, paid for the rental of the stadium.

They are giving away bobbleheads of themselves to fans who attend the game. A nice gift or egomaniacal? They're bringing their own ideas, such as a sponsored bridal bouquet toss, for between inning promotions. Wedding cost saver or a lot of extra work?

And they are really asking for trouble by inviting a bunch of New Yorkers they don't know to the wedding but not to the reception.

It seems more like a radio station publicity stunt than a joyous occasion. Awesome or ridiculous, the wackiness of the idea will make it part of minor league lore.

Anyone want to bet the memory of the event outlasts the marriage?

Canseco saga has possibilities

The baseball world may not be a better place with Jose Canseco in it, but it certainly is more interesting.

Canseco played just one game in his return and has already struck out three times, given some weird steroid hot-potato speech, compared Major League Baseball commissioner's office to the Mafia and been traded.

Baseball purists are trying their best to ignore the Jose Canseco Fiasco. At MinorLeagueDugout.com, we revel in the idiocy.

Canseco played for the San Diego Surf daisy of the independent Golden Baseball League, a six team league which features a traveling Japanese team.

After his 3K debut, Canseco requested a trade. The Juice reportedly didn't realize his nine year old daughter would be living with him this summer. The trade to the Long Beach Armada allows Canseco to live in his Los Angeles house, making it easier to look after his daughter. Or is it the other way around?

Is this whole situation good for baseball? Probably not. But think of the potential.

Some team has to give away free juice boxes when the Pumped One comes to town. How about bringing few lucky fans onto the field to practice heading balls over the outfield wall? Certainly a Madonna look-a-like contest/kissing booth isn't out of the question.

It's hard to imagine Canseco's comeback lasting very long. He'll pull an appendix or tweak a tonsil. Can't recover quickly from something like that without a little needle knocking.

And in the Golden Baseball League, at least he's not taking a spot from some kid who has a legitimate shot at reaching the major leagues. Maybe the attention he brings to the Golden Baseball League will make the league financially viable.

If that's the case, it's worth putting up with his antics – and even reveling in them.

Fireworks cause attendance explosion

It's a wonder what pretty explosions in mid air can do. Jupiter had its two biggest nights of the season on Monday and Tuesday, mostly because of fireworks displays.

On any given Monday night, counting the amount of fans in the stands at a Jupiter game is relatively easy. On July 3, Jupiter drew more than 6,000 fans. Four the fourth, Jupiter packed its house. There haven't been that many people in Roger Dean Stadium since the big league teams flew north.

The Hammerheads milked the nights for all they could. The entire staff worked both nights. They charged for parking. Normally that would draw a raspberry from MinorLeagueDugout.com, but there may have been 100 cars that drove to the ballpark just to watch the fireworks. Can't fault them for making money off of people who never entered the gates.

The fans were treated to a couple of good games. Both went into extra innings which turned out to be a good thing because in both instances the ninth inning ended well before darkness set in.

The electric atmosphere in the ballpark caused multiple staff members to remark about how nice it would be to have a crowd every night.

If the last few days in St. Lucie are any indication, that won’t happen. The Mets, who play 40 miles to the north, lit their fireworks on Saturday night, drawing a little more than 4,000 fans. The expected crowd for July 4? They were hoping for 400.

No jail for candy: We are happy to report that there were no arrests for excessive candy giving last night in Boise. The Hawks celebrated Idaho's 116th birthday by breaking an arcane state law that prohibits any person from giving away a bag of candy that exceeds 50 pounds. The Hawks presented a trivia winner with a 51-pound bag of candy. Everyone was allowed to walk away.